PlayTime


The elusive play date.

What is it? Depending on whom you ask there can be many answers.

Someone to watch my kid, or kids, for a few hours?

Time to spend with a fellow adult while the kids are occupied?

Providing free babysitting to a fellow guardian in hopes they will do it for you in the future?

The answer of course is all of the above. The issue is that you don’t know which one is relevant without picking up the subtle clues given to you by the parent. If you miss these clues, you may, as we all have done, be putting your host in an awkward situation. Here are some suggestions.

The first issue that needs to be resolved is making sure you understand who the invitation is including. As a parent of twins, my wife and I are especially sensitive to this issue. When we receive an invitation, we don’t want to make the mistake of sending both boys when only one is invited. At first we were sensitive about this distinction but with the help of our children, we have come to realize that they sometimes enjoy the freedom of being split up and leading separate lives, on a small scale. Follow the lead of the host. If they wanted both children they would have specified that in the invitation. No need to ask if they can take both if only one is specified. I often feel like my kids should come with a warning: “Please separate if you value your sanity.”

The next issue we’ve had to face as the kids get older is the big question: To drop off or to stay. This is a dilemma on par with potty training, wall scribbling, and proper video game use. But again, let the host be your guide. If they invite you to stay, take that as an invitation to hang out. If they repeatedly tell you, “ it’s fine to leave”, it may be their way of saying, “Please leave. I got this. I don’t feel like entertaining an adult.” Conversely, if they have food and beverages set out that only an adult would enjoy (use your imagination), it’s their way of saying “please stay”. Sometimes I think I’m doing the host a favor by staying, but I’ve come to realize that there are times when it’s easier for them to just entertain the kids without other adults around. I show my appreciation by doing the same for them.


I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the play dates my boys have had and some of my closest friends are people I have met through my sons. Many parents have had a hard time managing this issue as their children grow, and hopefully by the time the kids are in college, we will have it figured out.