My wife and I are not young. We certainly are not old, not in the big sense of the word, but as new parents we are at the further end of the spectrum.
A Time magazine article, from 1988, examined this trend. Apparently we are not trend setters, as this article is almost 25 years old. The article tells about "older fathers" sometimes even in their fifties(!) coaching soccer. One mother,
on the Upper West Side, said that some of the mothers "looked so old they don't seem capable of having these children." The article also referenced a book that highlighted a fact that many older parents are afraid of play because they may harm themselves.
My first reaction, of course, is what the $%@? Are they talking about 40 somethings or 80 somethings? I don't fear for my safety and shy away from playing. My wife looks more like a 30 something pre-natal wife than a 40 something post natal mother of twins. I'd like to see how that Upper West Side resident looks now, with her botox injections and surgically enhanced body. I gave up sports that many people were too afraid to try. My fear of pain has always been superseded by my interest in the unknown, and a willingness to push my own boundaries. My wife lost all her baby weight in what I imagine is a record amount of time, given the eighty, yes 8-0, pounds she picked up with the twins. We are not couch potatoes nor do we believe in the electronic baby sitter, otherwise known as the TV. In fact, my boys were the first, and I think only, boys in their 2's class to know their alphabet, and the spelling of their name. What I lack in intellectual energy at the end of the day, my wife more than makes up for. What my wife lacks in outdoor stimulation, I supplement.
However, we are tired most days. I don't know if a day goes by when we are not. Is this age? I think so. When our younger relatives come over, they seem to have unimagined energy. When I hear about parents waking up at 4:30 to get their workout in before the kids wake up, it is usually mentioned by people in a younger generation. I cannot imagine waking up a second before I absolutely have to.
I think there are many benefits to being a "mature" husband. I have a better sense of myself than I did when I was younger, and hopefully push that out to my boys. I have an evolved sense of commitment that I did not know existed that makes me a stronger husband. Professionally, I am stable. This is one of my most difficult accomplishments, because I am in a volatile environment, but through other areas of my life have learned the value of longevity. I sort, I am a much better person than I was ten or fifteen years ago and am in a better place to rear children. I wonder if I would have been better at this if I was younger, or if I should
do more with my boys. The answer is "yes" when it comes to activities and playing, but I think I still have some life left in me. I take the boys on bike rides, kayaking and surfing. We are now in the process of showing them how to throw, kick and hit a ball. I often get so excited about a good throw I forget to reprimand them for doing it in the living room or kitchen.
I can't possibly imagine my life any other way, so my boys are just going to have to get used to taking care of my wife and I about the time they graduate from high school.