Portrait of an in-House Soccer Family

There were 75 boys, all under 10, running around the AstroTurf field in the pouring rain, as the parents stood on the sidelines, huddled under umbrellas. The rain created puddles that were strategically placed on the sidelines forcing the parents to clump together, while trying to watch the plays, some even going so far as to coach their sons.
Eventually the sun came out but neither the heat nor the cold affected the boys, they were just trying to make the rec council travel team.
How many travel teams would there be? How many boys actually make it? Who's coming back from last season?
These were the mumbled questions every parent asked, hoping that someone was in the know. When we returned the following night, the sun already out, the questions continued. At the end of the tryout, call backs were announced. No one said who would get them, just that they were needed.
Then the waiting began. Two weeks went by, and we got the call. Once again I loaded the boys into the car and we played on the indoor field. Twenty boys at a time. It was like watching a life size pinball machine with four foot bumpers moving around the filed as the ball bounced wildly, occasionally ending up in the goal.
But we were hopeful.
A third team was added, we heard. The numbers added up. 75 boys started out for 36 spots. Two groups were asked back to the indoor field which makes 40. Only four would be cut. Certainly we were in that group.
One week later the email came that we did not make the team, no details given.
My son's disappointment lasted about one day. Everyone was talking about the process. It wasn't fair. It didn't give people a chance. It was biased.
Maybe all these claims were true. How could it not be biased? These were rec travel tryouts, not the junior Olympic team. The evaluators were regular volunteers, like me. How exactly were they supposed to pick? What really separates one player from another at this age?
I still don't know the answer to that question, so I look at the big picture. How is this going to affect my sons, or more specifically, how can I make them understand that this is life and we just keep rolling. Maybe it's for the better, maybe not. Move on.
So we did exactly what we had done in previous years and registered for the in-house league.
That brings me to this past weekend. My son scored five goals. It was one of those proud parent moments we all look forward to.
He achieved success this weekend. He pushed himself past his opponents in the spirit of competition. He learned about his own fortitude and connected with his talents. He saw his hard work pay off and he enjoyed himself, smiling the whole time he was on the field.
There is nothing wrong with a more competitive team. I am sure there are many great advantages the travel team for the right kid, but is that my kid?
They will most definitely play at a higher level. My wife and I even contemplated trying out for other travel teams outside of our area, and we asked ourselves what we were trying to accomplish; why were we so anxious to play in a different league?
I don't know if my son is an “elite athlete”, I know that I never was, so the odds are against it. I know that he enjoys sports and I don't think he'd enjoy it more if he were on a "better" team. Maybe we are just an in-house rec type of family.
Our family culture, the one we created, is not terribly competitive. We don’t spend a lot of time talking about sports and we don’t put the time in that many families do that have more competitive children.
In order for our boys to compete at the level that we see some of our friends do, we would need to participate in clinics and camps that are focused on building skills. It would require a stronger commitment from both the boys and us for time and money. Many kids play one sport year round, while still participating in other sports. It’s not uncommon to play two sports in a day, and with that comes many practices. While the boys may be alright with that pace, my wife and I would have trouble keeping up.
The mere thought of that type of schedule is overwhelming.
At some point the boys will have the chance to make decisions about where they want to spend the bulk of their free time. If they decide to commit to sports that would be fine.
They seem to understand that it will take hard work to remain competitive through their school years. They already see how some kids define themselves by their sport, which is great, but my boys don’t seem to have that specific focus right now. While that may be a reflection of my own bias, it doesn’t seem to have discouraged them from pushing themselves, as I witnessed last weekend when my son scored five goals (did I already mention that?!).
Right now, my wife and I are happy with the status of sports, and where the boys have ended up. In the future that may change, but it feels like a natural progression from the culture we have established at home.
We will continue to try and give our sons opportunities, but for now we are an In-House Rec type family.