"When I see you come down here holding hands with your boys...it's just really cool." That could have gone a few different ways, and it took me back just a little. It's not every day that I see someone that gets sentimental while paying me a compliment, while at the same time breaking the guy barrier by giving me a compliment. I guess that's what you call it.
The comment was not lost on me and it was well received. I like the way my boys hold my hand. I often tell them that they should expect to do it well into adulthood, which they have agreed to, much like the kiss I give them in the morning when I drop them off at school. But there were many things being said in this little statement.This interaction happened at the community pool during the day. Traditionally, this has been a place where mothers and nannies spend their days while the children swim. Of course there is transition taking place as fathers, like myself, who are teachers and stay at home dads, start to take more prominent roles in the rearing of their children. This new reality means that the look of families is evolving. My appearance at the pool is a daily ritual, which probably also brought me to the attention of other mothers and fathers. If I showed up once walking hand in hand with the boys it would be amusing. To see it daily conveys a different message, that this isn't a fluke.
I understand the apparent dichotomy of my boys and I walking hand in hand. I'm not a little guy. I'm often described as "big". It's not that I'm tall, or overly muscular, it's just my profile. I used to get the same reaction when walking Aggie, my ten pound dog. It's a funny picture and I get that. Throw in the tattoos and the shaved head; the picture only gets more amusing. "Loving/ doting father" are probably not the first words that come to people when they first meet me, until they get to know me.
Lastly, there is an irony in this statement that my wife brought to my attention. She pointed out that this probably would not be as significant for a mother. No one would take a second look. It would be an expectation rather than an anomaly, and there is something unfair and one-sided about that.
All this aside, I like my role and my relationship with my boys.
I can't begin to predict what long-term effects this will have but it certainly makes my summer worthwhile, and I appreciate the heart-felt feedback I was given.