With two boys about to turn three, it seems like the words "no" come out of my mouth more than any other.
I often find myself waking up in the middle of the night, just screaming "no", in the event one of my boys is making a ridiculous request.
I got up Saturday morning hoping my wife was going to take ownership of the boys and go downstairs. When I realized she was not, I feigned being asleep so I could get ten more uninterrupted minutes of rest. One of boys the shouted, "will you come get us dad?"
I, of course, almost involuntarily, said "no". About twenty minutes later going into their room, I knew I was going to walk into mayhem. They usually clear the bookcase of it's contents, empty a drawer or two and then pretend like they're driving in their beds. Yesterday they took it to a new level. One scaled the dresser, tool off his diaper and peed. I never saw that one coming, and when the other peed on the floor, it seemed relatively appropriate.
My sons are downright creative in their destruction. In the back of my mind I cheer this behavior. I love how spirited they are and how much enjoyment they seem to get out of their daily moments. I feel guilty about restricting them but know it is necessary. So most of the time I just say "no".
When I see them try and scale a lamp. When I see them going for an electrical chord. When they try to carry a glass plate. When they try and drive the car. When they decide the sofa would make a great trampoline.
The list goes on and on.
Never being one to follow rules, I took "no" to mean I was on to something. In all honesty I spent many years doing the wrong thing, from drugs to relationships to careers. My little voice just kept telling me, "this might work, despite the odds".
I still fight taking out the garbage. My wife sometimes gets tired of my adolescent antics when I try and exercise my free-will. As a result, generally distrusting authority, I am not a great employee, but have found a place in education working with people as defiant as myself. I think I am a decent husband, having learned to shut up and do what needs to be done.
I have some guilt about being the voice of discipline. The person that is impeding them from pursuing their whims. The person that is exerting authority over them and discouraging them from looking for their place in the world. Ok, maybe I have gone too far, I just do no want them to get them hurt.
I take a certain amount of pride watching my boys constantly pushing their boundaries. When Max was six months old he would fight and fight sleep. He had to know that he was going to lose but he still fought it. I enjoyed watching him go through this, but really wanted him to sleep so I could do the same.
As a safety precaution I will keep saying "no". Recognizing that they need to exist in a world with rules, that judges us on our ability to function as social beings, I will continue to verbally restrict them. But in the back of my mind I am cheering for them.