As my wife and I were talking about upcoming postings and themes for this blog, she raised the issue of concessions. She asked me if I was writing about what I was giving up or what I was getting. In other words, am I celebrating my boys or am I lamenting my loss of a lifestyle I was used to.
In this short dialog, as most are in the presence of our boys, not because we want them to be but because we are usually interrupted by a fight/ injury/ emotional outpour, several issues were raised. One issue was yet another display of the battle of the sexes, at least in my mind. Is it possible that men, more than women, lament the loss of a lifestyle once they have kids? If the answer to this question were no, then I probably would not have much to write about. I believe, that in a subtle, subconscious way, this blog is about this condition, that I keep calling lament.
My wife’s concern was that children should be more of a celebration. I certainly cannot argue this point, but still find myself recognizing that a change has taken place. My journey is to find the emotional middle ground in this meditation.
I celebrate my children every day, internally. I am happier now than I have ever been in my life. I have a fulfilling career, a loving and supportive wife, and two entertaining, healthy boys. I don’t know exactly how to celebrate externally, without looking a bit freakish (wearing "world's happiest dad" shirt, singing, dancing, etc...), but I am fully aware how lucky I am.
Life does not come without concessions. I have learned this more and more. Everything is a negotiation. I try not to go away for more than a few hours each week kayaking, because I will have to make up those hours to my wife by way of kid duty. If I take four hours on Saturday, she will probably need the same on Sunday. Truthfully I keep score. She probably does not, but I know there will be a price to pay. Everything is a concession or negotiation.
I like to muse on life. This is where the blog will mostly live. As my ancestor, Aristotle, put it, the unexamined life is not worth living. These musings are not meant to be complaints, as my wife was pointing out yesterday. They are really just pointed reflections on one specific topic.
I appreciate your time and your feedback.