Recently I attended a party for the US vs. Ghana soccer game. This was a great opportunity for me to see a bunch of friends I hadn’t seen in a while. From this one soccer team we all played on years ago, friendships developed that became both long lasting and meaningful.
At one time, these people were one of my primary social outlets. I spent vacations with this group of friends, and still consider them some of my closest relationships. Even though I hadn’t seen them in a long time, I found myself laughing and joking with them as I had always done.
After regular play was over I suggested we switch channels and watch “Wonder Pets”. This went over like a Monty Python joke when I was in high school. Everyone knows there is comedy in there somewhere but no one is really sure what it is. Everyone in earshot just looked at me and sort of politely laughed. I even tried to sing the song. “The phone, the phone is ring-ing!” Still nothing.
“Who are wonder’s pets?” “Are they like the beanie babies?”
I wasn’t sure what to say. I thought the joke would really kill. It was then I realized that something had changed. Parents are not like everyone else. We are different. I don’t especially like that I know the Wonder Pets. Or Calliou. Or Handy Manny. But that’s my life. Rather, it’s my kids' life and by association mine as well. I could ask when this happened, but I recognize that is a process that started well before I had children. I know this because I never fought this role. It evolved naturally and makes me feel complete and elated.
My life has changed. My role as a man has changed. My associations and my inner circle of friends revolve around my kids. While there are many concentric circles in our lives, mine seem to be dwindling and getting smaller.
As I mentioned in a previous post, this is not a complaint, but rather a musing on my current life. I would not change this for anything in the world. But I have to realize that there is an “Us” and “Them”. My life as a father is very different than those of my old friends. Beneath my surface is not a cool party guy, or an urban hipster. My wife and I used to enjoy living in the city and going out whenever we could. Right now out favorite place is a sushi restaurant five minutes from out house. Most Friday nights are spent at our community pool with our friends, kids and pizza.
I think I am a cool guy, but just below my façade lives my boys. I carry them with me wherever I go, even if it’s a soccer match with old friends. My life is diaper changing, nap times, play time, eating times and watching Sprout or Nick Jr. I can hold a conversation with my old mates, but eventually my kids come through. I enjoy my friends’ reactions when this happens. They laugh, there’s often an uncomfortable silence, a reassuring nod, recognition that it’s still me, but that a change has occurred.