The elusive play date.
What is it? Depending on whom you ask
there can be many answers.
Someone to watch my kid, or kids, for a
few hours?
Time to spend with a fellow adult while
the kids are occupied?
Providing free babysitting to a fellow
guardian in hopes they will do it for you in the future?
The answer of course is all of the
above. The issue is that you don’t know which one is relevant
without picking up the subtle clues given to you by the parent. If
you miss these clues, you may, as we all have done, be putting your
host in an awkward situation. Here are some suggestions.
The first issue that needs to be
resolved is making sure you understand who the invitation is
including. As a parent of twins, my wife and I are especially
sensitive to this issue. When we receive an invitation, we don’t
want to make the mistake of sending both boys when only one is
invited. At first we were sensitive about this distinction but with
the help of our children, we have come to realize that they sometimes
enjoy the freedom of being split up and leading separate lives, on a
small scale. Follow the lead of the host. If they wanted both
children they would have specified that in the invitation. No need to
ask if they can take both if only one is specified. I often feel like
my kids should come with a warning: “Please separate if you value
your sanity.”
The next issue we’ve had to face as
the kids get older is the big question: To drop off or to stay. This
is a dilemma on par with potty training, wall scribbling, and proper
video game use. But again, let the host be your guide. If they invite
you to stay, take that as an invitation to hang out. If they
repeatedly tell you, “ it’s fine to leave”, it may be their way
of saying, “Please leave. I got this. I don’t feel like
entertaining an adult.” Conversely, if they have food and beverages
set out that only an adult would enjoy (use your imagination), it’s
their way of saying “please stay”. Sometimes I think I’m doing
the host a favor by staying, but I’ve come to realize that there
are times when it’s easier for them to just entertain the kids
without other adults around. I show my appreciation by doing the same
for them.
I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the play
dates my boys have had and some of my closest friends are people I
have met through my sons. Many parents have had a hard time managing
this issue as their children grow, and hopefully by the time the kids
are in college, we will have it figured out.